notwoxer (An RB Amero Blog)

A new year beckons, but unlike in previous years, I am this year very sentimental as 2006 approaches. I've lived 36 years. It has been an eventful 36 years, I can tell you that much. If you read my 35th year entries (35 and 35 (add)), it has had a good share of joy and sorrow, much like any other beings. Still, for some reason, 2006 is like a corner for me. By October 2006, I'll be 37 years old. I'll be 7 years behind my goal of financial independence by 30; it'll be 7 years from my first divorce, 3 years from my second; my darling daughters would be 12 and 10 respectively; the list goes on and on. I was going through a multitude of what-ifs yesterday, as I lazed around the house. What if I's stayed married the first time? What if I didn't go ahead with the second marriage when she called it off 45 days to the event? What if I'd taken that job offer at the then Arab Malaysian? What if I'd taken that offer to return to acting? What if I's stayed on at...

Some years ago I watched a movie alled Patch Adams, mainly attracted to it because the lead actor was Robin Williams. Williams is one of the most gifted actors in the world, and if you read up about him, he is also a great man. Anyway, for the benefit of those who's never watched the movie, Patch Adams tells of a medical student's unorthodox ways of treating patients. In the domain of doctors, their practices are considered holy, and their opinions are considered visionary. Much like the Williams himself, Patch is a comedian. A man so funny and happy that on his student transcript, an envious dean noted he was "excessively happy". But because of his unorthodox ways (like wearing a red nose patch when treating patients, like treating an elderly woman who refused to eat by swimming with her in a pool of spaghetti!), he was frowned upon by several members of the staff, fellow students and nurses. Patch says it was not the field that was was uncomfortable with his demean...

Last night I attended a wedding of a new acquaintance of mine; Kevin Barnaby Fernandez, who married his long time girlfriend Dessy, an Indonesian. This entry is merely to extend further my well wishes to the bride and groom, who both lokked resplendent last night. My first meeting with Kevin was "on-air"... when he first started to present the general news segment of Astro News. While we both go on-air at the same time, we never got to see each other as we work in different studios. But my colleague and best friend Sheahnee Lee recognised the guy on tv, as they were classmates at KDU, and spent time also in Perth when they did their final year there. Shen tells me then, that Kev was dating an Indonesian girl he met on orientation night in their first semester at KDU. Apparently it was Shen who drove Dessy to the dinner, and in fact, in the beginning Kev was not up to going to the dinner. I finally met Kev, by chance, at the Istana Hotel's Musictheque, when I braved myself...

About mid morning, my Celcom line rang. It was an unfamiliar number. As a rule, I don't answer calls from numbers I don't recognise. But something about this number called to me. "Hello", I said. "Hello Encik Amir", said the voice on the other line. "Yes...", I said, still unable to place the voice. "Well I'm from FlyFM and I'm calling to say that your daughter Aishah has won 2 tickets to the premier screening of The Fog. But I need your identity card number as she doesn't have one", said the caller. I'm like at this point ecstatic that Aishah had won a prize on radio; her father has won numerous prizes on radio. Some of the luck has rubbed off to her! But the caller went on, this time raving about Aishah. "Your daughter is SO well-spoken for an 11 year old. She is well-mannered, and has good telephone manners", she went on. "In fact I'm gonna call her again to chat one day, and also to record what she s...

It has been a year and 13 days since my last entry. I think I owe myself this entry. Recent, very recent developments in my life has made me all messed up again. Relationships have a place in everybody's lives, but I am so confused about the state of mine, and wether or not I am truly ready to be up for another. Is there such a thing a conditional love? Think about it; for you to love someone, you surely expect the person to love you back. Is that not a condition? You hope that when you do something nice for the other half, they'd be grateful. Even guised as a hope, it IS a condition, because if they don't show appreciation, you'd be hurt... either privately or openly. We ended our relationship yesterday; "no regrets". But I left wondering if I was ever truly ready for such a commitment after my last divorce. Why do I wonder that? Because I know that I was unfair in some ways to her. I was. Did that stem from my belief that I was ready for love? And did that b...

In my last entry, I mused about how I have an issue with the term African-American. Actually I also take offence to the other racial terminologies used in Stateside, like Asian-American. What the hey? Can Malaysians ever go that low and start labeling Chinese as Chinese-Malaysians and Indians as Indian-Malaysians? Will the Ibans be Iban-Malaysian, the Sikhs Sikh-Malaysian? I don't think so. America prides itself in a lot of things; it wears the tag of Policeman of The World proudly, claims it is The Land of Opportunity. And yet, it cannot give the citizens that were born in the country the rightful label of American. Simply American. You can't be a just leader that way. You just can't. To be a good leader, you must first be a good follower. And if you can't follow the rudiments of sociology, or anything for that matter, how can you lead? I'd like to see the day that all Americans, irrespective of race, colour or creed, can proudly say "We a...

I watched The Core for the umpteenth time this morning. Lst night I watched Air Force One, also for the umpteenth time. Yes, I hear you... both American propaganda. I like The Core, because it deals with something that will happen: the end of the world. My best friend thinks I've this morbid fascination with death, but the truth is death is a reality. I've had to endure 5 significant deaths in my 35 years of life, the first at 9 years old. My best friend Sheikh Faisal passed on to a gunshot to his head, some 150 metres away from me. So I learnt quite early on about the harsh reality of life. Faisal's death moved me in two ways. I learnt the value of a friendship. Faisal and I had become best friends just a few days before his untimely passing. He lived across from our house. To lose a friend is one thing, but to lose a friend you declared as your best, just days fater the dclaration, and to a gunshot, is quite traumatic. I also learnt, or rather understood, d...

More things over the last wonderful 35 years. I am able to say wonderful because of the great law of averages... You might have noticed that even what seems like a negative occurence are listed as "achieved". I see them as platforms to achievements really; a failure will remain a failure unless you learn from the setback and turn it into a positive. Turning negatives into positives is a real concept. * Was player/manager for a soccer club in the Selangor League 3rd Division * Advanced the club to it's furthest level in the Selangor FA Cup competition, 3rd round just before the quarters * Went through the trauma of a collapsed lung * Endured temporary paralysis of the lower body * Emerged as the fastest pasta eater at a PJ Hilton Pasta Eating Contest * Am reigning champion because they never had the contest again * Was the first male cashier for KFC Malaysia (when they went self-service) * Sat in the actual model of KITT of Knight Rider fame (I have a pix to ...

You know, a birthday is a birthday is a birthday. Or is it? I celebrate my 35th birthday today. That's half my mother's age, which means my dad, at about 33, had already had five children. Amazing. Being a father is one of the best experiences a guy can ever go through. I remember the feeling at the birth of each of my two daughters. The warmth of their bodies when you first hold them; that innocent look on their faces; the unbelievably small fingers. Looking at that creation of God, in which you had a role in, you're just overcome with a feeling of pure joy. So what is a birthday really? To me its a celebration. No... get past the cakes and gifts and well-wishes. Aptly its a celebration of life. Today I celebrate 35 years of being on the face of the earth, going through the ups and downs, feeling joy and pain and learning from our own and other people's experiences. What have I done in 35 years? Quite a lot apparently. This list will be updated as and when I remember. ...

I began writing this just before my now ex-colleague Reed Shamsudin left. I've updated the last bits. To Reed, I hope your new station in life works out for you. I am sure you'll do great. Blogland, My office will lose another star by the end of this week, a star by the name of Reed Shamsudin. Reed's leaving ASTRO News, and the broadcasting industry, to move into the print news business. Reed's resignation is the third in the space of six months for ASTRO News. I don't know about industry averages, but I'd venture to guess that at that rate of departure, we may just be able to rival Chep Lap Kok (forgive the spelling if it's wrong) Airport in Hong Kong! After Josie Ling left in February, Sherine Ong followed in March. Josie has moved on to bigger things in Bloomberg in Singapore, while Sherine left for beautiful Italy to study the language on a free three-month scholarship. Like Josie and Sherine's, Reed's departure is also a clas...

Hello there, To my blog's most avid fan, Sheahnee Lee, my apologies lah for keeping you waiting for my entries. You of all people would be more than aware of my time table. But things are a bit better now, and I hope for my own sake I can blog with some semblance of regularity. I like to write after all. The next few entries will seem a bit confusing in terms of timeline. They're actually original entries that I saved as drafts; I've updated them but the core stories will be based on when they were originally began. Right then, let's start all over again. Warm regards, AMIR MAHMOOD RAZAK

Bloggies, Here I am, back again after a long, long lull, dictated by my body's natural decision to shut-down after abandoning care for the gift from God (to me, of course, not to women LOL). Anyways, in days to come I shall be writing again. Here's a preview: # A Tribute To Reed Shamsudin: a colleague leaves, and I consider him the funnier of us. A good journalist, oft misunderstood, with a gift of the gab in certain genres. # Update on Haza & Am: The Haza & Am saga is updated with a new development. # Soulmates Are For Real: How I discovered my first-ever soulmate. I never believed in the concept. So if you want to catch up, join me again soon. Meanwhile, here's a thought: "If what you did yesterday seems big, you haven't done anything today." Warm regards. Amir Mahmood Razak

PemBLOG - PemBLOG sekelian, I had a friend. Had a friend. Had. Now the friend is a foe, or at least I feel like I'm being treated as a foe. I'm not invited to go out with the group when she's part of the entourage, even to visit an ill friend. We've gone from being very animated hellos and chats to single-word responses, and now to absolute silence. My fault? I like someone. And the friend thinks that I'm making a huge mistake by doing so. And does the friend tell me about the reservations? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Tell everyone else but me. Everyone else. Italy's not that far. Tell all and sundry but me. Wait... did I use the word friend? Isn't a friend supposed to help? Defined by The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (4th edition, 2000): A person whom one knows, likes & trusts. A person whom one knows: an acquaintance. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause: a comrade. One who suppo...

Bloggies, Here's an article I wrote in October 2002. It deals with that "reality tv" issue. Please lah... is anything ever real on tv anymore, with the exception of ASTRO News....? DEATH, WORMS & CRYOGENICS In most religions or cultures, a dead person is buried six feet underground after the last rituals are performed. What happens thereafter is anybody’s guess, but I suppose one thing is for sure; you’d end up becoming a meal for creatures that actually live underground. Worms. Call me a wimp but I hate worms. Worms are the reason why I never took up fishing, much to the chagrin of my dad, brother and uncle. I mean I know worms, like any other creature has its roles to play, but hey… I don’t need to play the supporting role do I? So it astounds me to see people actually agreeing to lie in a tub and have what must have been 50 kilos of worms poured over their bodies. The prize? US50,000. That was on last night’s Fear Factor, another one of many “rea...

Bloggies, I have travelled a fair bit in my 35 years. Crossed the Atlantic, South China, been to countries picking up pieces of war, countries that have moved ahead. Yet in the countries that I have visited, I have never quite seen marriages being bandied around like a festival. I have seen ceremonies which make the wedding seem like a festival yes... but being touted like a festival? No. It's school break again, and a week has passed. Wedding invites are the norm around this time. My parents typically receive 10 invites over a two-week school holiday period. Mind you, the 14 days of freedom for our children mean only two weekends. That's four days, unless of course we have a public holiday during the 14 days. At 10 invites over 4, the odds of my parents going to each of these invites are drastically reduced. So the plan is if there are date clashes, which inevitably happen, then my parents would go to the ones that only invite them, and one of their offsprings would represent ...

60604608am Blogland, Are human emotions so complex that it can lead people to: a) make irrational decisions? b) not being able to make decisions? 35 years ago, whenever I feel hungry I'd cry and hey presto... next minute I'm sucking a teat. The decision I made? Cry. So can we say that human emotions are not complex? Well, I guess when you're a baby incapable of doing lots of things yourself, things are a lot less complex than if you were 35 years old and hungry. I'll get back to why being hungry at 35 can be complex in a little while. First, are things really less complex when you're younger. My guess is hell no! You cry when you're a hungry baby and in effect what you are doing is transferring the complex decision making process (which includes emotional assessment) to the adults. Is the baby crying because he is hungry? Is he in pain? If he is in pain, why? Is it colic? Why? Is he in need of a diaper change? If yes and I just changed h...

Blogdom, Have you ever noticed that time changes EVERYTHING? Yes, everything. My friend was telling me a story on how a year ago, at around this time, he was on a delayed honeymoon with his then wife. It was a good honeymoon by most people's standards I think. They had a good rest from their work, they were on an island, they snorkelled for the first time, they ate and ate and ate, had karaoke, read books, made new friends. A year on, my friend, Am and the now ex-wife are fighting for scraps in the Syariah courts over a marriage that went sour some months ago. At her wife's request, my friend granted the wife's wish to leave the marriage. It was on a fateful October 13th 2003 when Haza, the wife asked to leave the marriage. Am's work day ended normally enough. At about 10pm he called home to ask Haza whether she wanted dinner. Their professional lives really left little time to eat at reasonable hours. It was almost always packed food. "I f...

Dear Fellow Bloggers, This is it, my maiden entry into blogdom. After listening to Sheahnee Lee brag about blogs, and listening to her charming friends at Ash's birthday party some weeks ago, here I am venturing into the world of blogs, with trepidation and excitement. My aim? Just to lend a voice to my thoughts, for the world. I may not write well, but I write to satisfy only me. If you like it, tell others. If you don't like it, tell me. Regards.