notwoxer (An RB Amero Blog)

A new year beckons, but unlike in previous years, I am this year very sentimental as 2006 approaches. I've lived 36 years. It has been an eventful 36 years, I can tell you that much. If you read my 35th year entries (35 and 35 (add)), it has had a good share of joy and sorrow, much like any other beings. Still, for some reason, 2006 is like a corner for me. By October 2006, I'll be 37 years old. I'll be 7 years behind my goal of financial independence by 30; it'll be 7 years from my first divorce, 3 years from my second; my darling daughters would be 12 and 10 respectively; the list goes on and on. I was going through a multitude of what-ifs yesterday, as I lazed around the house. What if I's stayed married the first time? What if I didn't go ahead with the second marriage when she called it off 45 days to the event? What if I'd taken that job offer at the then Arab Malaysian? What if I'd taken that offer to return to acting? What if I's stayed on at...

Some years ago I watched a movie alled Patch Adams, mainly attracted to it because the lead actor was Robin Williams. Williams is one of the most gifted actors in the world, and if you read up about him, he is also a great man. Anyway, for the benefit of those who's never watched the movie, Patch Adams tells of a medical student's unorthodox ways of treating patients. In the domain of doctors, their practices are considered holy, and their opinions are considered visionary. Much like the Williams himself, Patch is a comedian. A man so funny and happy that on his student transcript, an envious dean noted he was "excessively happy". But because of his unorthodox ways (like wearing a red nose patch when treating patients, like treating an elderly woman who refused to eat by swimming with her in a pool of spaghetti!), he was frowned upon by several members of the staff, fellow students and nurses. Patch says it was not the field that was was uncomfortable with his demean...

Last night I attended a wedding of a new acquaintance of mine; Kevin Barnaby Fernandez, who married his long time girlfriend Dessy, an Indonesian. This entry is merely to extend further my well wishes to the bride and groom, who both lokked resplendent last night. My first meeting with Kevin was "on-air"... when he first started to present the general news segment of Astro News. While we both go on-air at the same time, we never got to see each other as we work in different studios. But my colleague and best friend Sheahnee Lee recognised the guy on tv, as they were classmates at KDU, and spent time also in Perth when they did their final year there. Shen tells me then, that Kev was dating an Indonesian girl he met on orientation night in their first semester at KDU. Apparently it was Shen who drove Dessy to the dinner, and in fact, in the beginning Kev was not up to going to the dinner. I finally met Kev, by chance, at the Istana Hotel's Musictheque, when I braved myself...

About mid morning, my Celcom line rang. It was an unfamiliar number. As a rule, I don't answer calls from numbers I don't recognise. But something about this number called to me. "Hello", I said. "Hello Encik Amir", said the voice on the other line. "Yes...", I said, still unable to place the voice. "Well I'm from FlyFM and I'm calling to say that your daughter Aishah has won 2 tickets to the premier screening of The Fog. But I need your identity card number as she doesn't have one", said the caller. I'm like at this point ecstatic that Aishah had won a prize on radio; her father has won numerous prizes on radio. Some of the luck has rubbed off to her! But the caller went on, this time raving about Aishah. "Your daughter is SO well-spoken for an 11 year old. She is well-mannered, and has good telephone manners", she went on. "In fact I'm gonna call her again to chat one day, and also to record what she s...

It has been a year and 13 days since my last entry. I think I owe myself this entry. Recent, very recent developments in my life has made me all messed up again. Relationships have a place in everybody's lives, but I am so confused about the state of mine, and wether or not I am truly ready to be up for another. Is there such a thing a conditional love? Think about it; for you to love someone, you surely expect the person to love you back. Is that not a condition? You hope that when you do something nice for the other half, they'd be grateful. Even guised as a hope, it IS a condition, because if they don't show appreciation, you'd be hurt... either privately or openly. We ended our relationship yesterday; "no regrets". But I left wondering if I was ever truly ready for such a commitment after my last divorce. Why do I wonder that? Because I know that I was unfair in some ways to her. I was. Did that stem from my belief that I was ready for love? And did that b...